Memories
by allofthebowtiesandscarves
Summary: Almost two months after Finn's death, Kurt and Blaine go back to the Hudmels house.


Kurt stood in front of the door to Finn's room. His hand was on the doorknob, ready to go inside even though a voice kept telling him not to. He looked around to see if someone saw that one lost tear roll down his cheek.

No one.

The hall was completely empty, only the smiling faces on the family portraits looked at him lovingly. He'd expected his dad, Carole or Blaine to come after him to tell him that everything would be okay again and that they'd get through this together.

He had excused himself from the Hudmel family reunion downstairs to "go to the bathroom" as he had said it. But it was just an excuse to go to Finn's room, where everything was still the same as before Finn died.

He wiped the tear away, took a deep breath, opened the door and let it fall shut the moment he was inside.

It was weird to be here. The room looked as if Finn had gotten up too late again and had moved around the room like a tornado: his empty, unmade bed, his messy desk and the McKinley High Football-jacket that Finn gave a special spot in his room even after he graduated.

Kurt walked towards the bed and took the jacket off the hanger on the wall. It still smelled like Finn. Kurt couldn't contain the sudden tears and started sobbing loudly while he took the jacket from his lap and put it next to him so that his salty tears wouldn't ruin the soft, red polyester.

He looked up and wondered aloud if Finn could see him from up there. 'A-are you up t-there with my m-mom, Finn?' he sniffed.

He brushed the hair out of his face and his fingers lingered on the small scar on his forehead, right under his hairline. He was in that car with Finn when another car crashed into them. They couldn't save Finn anymore but Kurt only had a few bruises. _It's so unfair._

There was a soft knock on the door and then: 'Kurt? Are you in here?'. Blaine's voice sounded quieter but still as lovely as ever through the door.

'Y-yeah,' Kurt answered, barely louder than a whisper but Blaine came in anyway. He crouched down in front of Kurt and grabbed both of his hands.

'Are you okay, baby?' Blaine asked and thumbed Kurt's knuckles.

'N-no talk,' Kurt said, J-just be here f-for me.'

'Okay,' Blaine said and got up to sit down next to his fiancé. Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder and used the sleeve of his own sweater to wipe the tears away.

Kurt didn't care the tears were ruining his cashmere sweater, as long as they didn't ruin Finn's jacket it was okay.

The corners of his mouth twitched up in a tiny smile when Blaine kissed the top of his head. He pulled back to look Blaine in the eyes. 'I can't believe he's gone,' he whispered.

Blaine grabbed Finn's jacket and turned it over and over in a way that would, on other days, drive Kurt crazy. But not today. Today he cared about nothing. He stared at the jacket before Blaine's quiet sobbing pulled him out of the trance he was in.

'God, I miss him so much,' Blaine said between sobs. He had been staying strong for Kurt all day and he had even told _Kurt _to stay strong for his dad and Carole. But now, Blaine had to let go. 'I miss him so so much,' he repeated himself while looking into his fiancé's tear-filled but loving eyes.

Kurt couldn't stand to see Blaine cry and so he slipped his arms around him, letting him cry into his shoulder. 'Oh honey,' he said and kissed the spot under Blaine's ear, 'I miss him too, we all do.'

'But he hated me, Kurt,' Blaine murmured against Kurt's shoulder, 'he hated me because I cheated on you. He never gave me the chance to apologize to him and now I never will.' The last part were more whispers and sobs than real words but Kurt understood. He himself still had so many things to say to Finn and now it was too late.

'Shh, it's okay,' Kurt cooed, 'I'm sure he forgives you wherever he is right now.'

Blaine pulled back to look at Kurt and whispered: 'I love you' before reaching up to place a soft kiss on Kurt's lips.

'I love you too,' Kurt said and pulled Blaine a little closer to him.

They just stayed there for God knows how long, saying nothing but a few whispered "it's okay, honey, I'm here with you"'s until their sobs died down and there weren't any more tears to be cried.

'Do you want to go to my room?' Kurt asked after Blaine snuggled into his side some more.

'Yeah,' Blaine whispered, 'I miss Finn but this place is starting to give me the creeps.'

'Me too,' Kurt said and stood up, causing Blaine to pull away. He extended his hand for Blaine to grab and together they went downstairs to Kurt's room. They sat down on the bed and scooted towards the headboard until their backs rested against it.

It didn't take long before Blaine's head was back on Kurt's chest and he was snuggled up close again into Kurt's side. 'Everything okay, sweetheart?' Kurt asked when Blaine let out a deep sigh.

'I'm so glad you're still here,' Blaine said. He sat up a bit to trace the scar on Kurt's face and then moved his hand down to cup his cheek. He thumbed Kurt's lips as he melted into his touch.

'It's so _unfair_,' Kurt said, looking at Blaine with a guilty look on his face, 'Finn's dead and all I have is a eenie-meenie tiny scar! God could've split the damage but no, Finn got the shit end of the bargain.'

Blaine look at Kurt like his heart had just been shattered into pieces. 'Are you saying that you should've been the one who died?'

Kurt cupped Blaine's face in both hands. 'Oh no, no, honey I just...' He took a deep breath, 'some equality would've been nice. He basically sacrificed himself for me, Blaine, I feel so _guilty_.'

'Finn sacrificed himself? Kurt, what are you talking about? It was an accident,' Blaine said, shaking his head.

Kurt sighed. 'Finn insisted on giving me a ride home while he was supposed to go over to Rachel's place, since she was in town too. I told him multiple times that I'd get a cab but he didn't want that and...' He stared at where his hands were clasped together in his lap but looked up when Blaine's hands unclasped and held them.

'And you couldn't stop him,' Blaine said and continued when Kurt nodded shakily, 'That's why you're feeling so guilty.' He placed a kiss on both of Kurt's hands and said: 'Honey, you did all you could. Finn was just being stubborn and even I know that you can't change Finn Hudson's mind when he's stubborn. There is nothing you can be blamed for.'

'But Blaine-' He was shushed by Blaine's finger on his lips.

'Kurt, I'm sure Finn forgave you just as he forgave me,' Blaine said and pulled his finger away.

Kurt's breath hitched in his throat. 'Blaine, I-'

'You're not guil-,' Blaine was silenced by Kurt's lips on his. He froze for a second but then kissed back. 'What was that about?' he asked breathlessly after Kurt stopped kissing him.

'It was the only way to keep you from interrupting me,' Kurt smiled and brushed some of Blaine's curls behind his ear, 'I was going to say that I wouldn't know what to do without you keeping me from going insane.'

'And I don't know what I'd do if you died too. You're my life, Kurtie,' Blaine leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt, 'You're my everything.'

'And you're everything I could've wished for,' Kurt whispered and turned his head to kiss Blaine's temple. His hands were splayed out on Blaine's back, keeping him close to him.

'I love you so so much,' Blaine murmured against the skin of Kurt's neck, making Kurt shiver.

'Oh sweetie,' Kurt's hand traveled up Blaine's spine, 'I love you too.'

'Tell me, why didn't we move this bed to our place in New York?' Blaine asked, plopping down on Kurt's bed after a royal family dinner with the Hudmels.

'Because, smartass, you can't take a bed on a plane and tying it to a car to drive it to New York isn't an option too,' Kurt said and laid down next to his fiancé, tracing circles on Blaine's chest, 'Plus, Sam would probably yell "pivot, pivot, pivot!" the whole way on the stairs up to the apartment.'

'True,' Blaine laughed and brushed some strands of hair out of Kurt's beautiful face, 'Feeling better than this afternoon?'

'Mhmm, yeah,' Kurt hummed, 'It was an accident, it's not my fault.'

'That's right,' Blaine smiled, 'And now I want to spend this evening with you and not think about today, okay? Just you and me. Right here, right now.'

'Sounds good to me,' Kurt said and pressed a kiss to Blaine's clothed chest.

'Come up here,' Blaine spread out his arms, inviting Kurt in for a hug. He moaned when Kurt cuddled up with him, throwing one leg over Blaine to keep him close while one arm was slung over Blaine's chest. 'Mmm, better.'

They talked, laughed, kissed and they even watched In Time before they fell asleep a few hours later, Kurt wrapped up in Blaine's arms with the blanket half-covering them.

Images of the accident were still haunting Kurt day and night. It happened almost two months ago but the way he yelled "Finn, watch out!" was still clearly ringing in his ears. The images of Finn's face etched into his memory for the rest of his life; his cold, dead eyes looking right at Kurt's, the blood trickling down from his hairline. Sometimes he could still see the way Finn's lifeless body was being held up by the seatbelt he wore in the nightmares he had.

But the nightmares were _never _like _this_.

Blaine woke up when he found out he could barely move. He opened his eyes and let them adjust to the lack of light before searching for what was holding him down. He heard a whimper and then a 'no!' coming from Kurt who normally looked so peaceful while he was asleep but now his eyebrows were furrowed and Blaine could've sworn he saw a tear on Kurt's cheek. And it were also Kurt's arms that were almost painfully tight around Blaine's chest that were holding him down.

'Baby,' he whispered, not wanting to wake Kurt rudely, 'Kurtie, sweetie, it's okay.' He turned in Kurt's arms as best as he could and brushed some sweat-damp hair out of Kurt's face.

'No!' Kurt kept saying while holding onto Blaine like he was a lifeline. He stirred when Blaine grabbed his hand and kissed it.

'Kurt, everything's okay honey,' Blaine said when Kurt finally opened his ocean blue eyes.

'B-Blaine?' Kurt asked with a shaky voice.

'It's me, baby, it's me,' Blaine assured, 'You just had a nightmare.'

'I was so scared,' Kurt whispered.

'Shh, you're okay now. I'm here with you,' Blaine rubbed over Kurt's back soothingly.

Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine's chest. 'I thought I had lost you,' he murmured against Blaine's skin, 'You were so close and I couldn't save you.'

Blaine pulled back a little, trying to figure out what Kurt meant with that. 'Can you tell me what happened?' he eventually asked.

Kurt shook his head and moved even closer to Blaine. 'No, it's too hard.'

'Can I...' Blaine started, 'Can I guess then?'

This time Kurt nodded. 'Okay.'

'Did it have something to do with today?' Blaine asked.

'Yes,' Kurt croaked out, feeling tears prickle in his eyes.

Blaine continued: 'Was it about the accident?'

A heartwrenching sob escaped Kurt's throat. That was all Blaine needed for an answer. 'Y-yes,' Kurt cried and quickly told Blaine the story, 'I-instead of F-Finn, y-you were in t-the car w-with me. Y-you smiled at m-me right b-before we crashed a-and the n-next t-thing I know y-you w-were...' Kurt shook his head as if he could shake the image of a dead Blaine staring at him away.

'Oh,' Blaine said and kissed the top of Kurt's head, 'Baby, look at me.'

Kurt looked up at Blaine while a tear rolled down his cheek. Blaine was alive. There was no blood, the concerned look in his eyes was focused on him instead of something far away in the distance and Blaine's heart was beating. He was all Kurt ever wanted him to be. Alive. 'Y-yeah?'

'We're okay,' Blaine said and cupped Kurt's cheek, 'I'm never leaving you, I can't leave you.'

'W-we're okay,' Kurt repeated, 'I-it was j-just a dream.'

'Exactly,' Blaine agreed, 'No one's going to tear us apart. I'm gonna stay with you forever.'

'P-promise?' Kurt asked.

'Promise,' Blaine smiled and pecked Kurt's forehead before moving to kiss him on the lips.


End file.
